Zman Simchaseinu! The time of our happiness! It's like....

So, every one of the "Shalosh Regalim / 3 Festival's" has it's lesson, it's essence, it's power that it infuses in each and every one of us to take throughout the following year. Pesach/Planting is redemption, freedom. Shavuos/Harvesting, is Torah, devotion to Hashem and his Torah. And Succos/ is Party time, Happy time. The sages teach us that if you didn't see the Simcha's Beis Ha'shoeva in the Beis Hamikdash then you've never seen Simcha/true happiness in your life. Everyone was there! The party of the year! True simcha! No open bar, no funny stuff, no distractions, no peer pressure, no dress codes, no nothing! Only Simcha! Crazy dancing straight from the heart! True happiness that we've never seen, and never experienced! So how do we tap in to this simcha in our time in our situations?!? We're so far from the Beis Ha'mikdash, so far from true Simcha, from true spirituality, so what, how and when do we do? Simple as usual, because thats what we do, we keep it simple! Go out of your house! Go out of your box! Open your mind! Be more receptive! Let God into your life! Make more friends! Invite more people, different people into your life! Teach what you know! Learn what you don't! Then slowly, slowly, the true simcha will come! When we set aside all differences with our contemporaries which have at their roots the rot of jealousy we thus bind together the four species, which symbolize our ability to live with and love all types of Jews — both those whom we perceive to be better and those whom we regard as worse than ourselves. If we realize that the klal only functions at its best as a whole, each person performing his different but equally crucial role, then we cannot be jealous of each other. Looking with a “good eye” on our fellow is, then, the solution to our inconsiderate disposition.  My favorite thing on Succos, after the chilling and the food, is when you start a song in your Succah and next thing you know the whole neighborhood is singing together. Truth is, that it never happened to me besides in my dreams, but our constant message is that if it would actually happen Mashiach would finally reveal himself, because I believe that he is actually already here he's just waiting for the call to reveal himslef. And it will be the little things like this that will bring him out. Yes, the learning, the davening etc. will also bring him out, but it will be more the small things that we do everyday. Like inviting strangers into our Succah to make a brach and share a smile. Like going to a party and dancing with a total stranger. Like helping a stranger in the supermarket. Like trying to make peace between people having a disagreement. Like smiling at everyone you pass even if you don't mean it. Like teaching your kids that us Jews come in all different colors sizes and practices, but we're all batting for the same team and we all want to reach the same goal. Like giving charity unconditionally. Like making food for someone having a hard time or who's just too busy. Like helping a kid (either yours or someone else's) feel good about himself no matter what. Like saying a nice word to a stranger. Like helping someone get their packages into a cab ;).  

Forgetfulness. What a blessing!

"You were unmindful of the Almighty who begot you, and you forgot God who bore you Devarim 32:18"
Hashem created forgetfulness as a benefit for people who have suffered in the past, for people who have messed up in the past. If someone would remember every bit of suffering that occurred to him in his life, if a person would remember every mistake that he made, every not nice thing that he has said or done, he or she would find it very hard to cope with life on a daily basis. He wouldn't be able to enjoy the multitude of positive things in life because of the remembrance of the pain of the past. By forgetting ones misdeeds and misfortunes one can live a happy joyful life. But we must not be to forgetful and forget Hashem and all of our obligations to Him. We also must not forget all of the good that people may have done for us. Bottom line, forget the bad, remember the good and then we'll be happy.

Ha'azinu - Why do I bother? No one reads, no one listens!

So I've been writing this blog for how long? And I start, and then I stop, then I start, then I stop, but who really cares? Who reads it? Who listens? Who cares? Why do I bother? Why do I take time away from helping my wife? Why do I take time away that I can be spending with my kids, time that I can be learning, catching up on all the learning that I haven't done all of these years? After all in a few days I'll be turning 35. 35 is half of 70! What do I have to show for all those years? How much learning did I do? How much good did I accomplish? Ok, I have a beautiful wife and the 2 best kids in the world. I have a great family, great friends. I have the zechus of living in the Holy Land thanks to Hashem! But what have I given back? What have I done for Hashem? And then I remember all those speeches, shmoozes that I heard throughout the years that start with "I'm speaking to myself, if you want to listen feel free..." and it also reminded me of the famous story of the Rabbi who wanted to change the world and eventually settled with maybe being able to change himself. And so I say, who cares if no one reads, if no one listens?!?! I'm writing for myself! They say that by writing something down it goes in more, it makes more of an impression on the writer. Maybe I'll be able to change myself even if just a little bit, become somewhat of a better person, a better husband, a better father, a better son, a better brother, a better friend, a better Jew? Maybe, just maybe and maybe thats what I could give back to Hashem for all the good that He's done for me throughout the years that I totally don't deserve? So I will keep on writing I will try to be consistent and not stop again. I will stop looking at the stats, because I'm not selling anything anyway, so who cares! 

Ok got that off my chest, now lets get back to business. 

Ha'azinu: "Let the heavens hear, and I will speak. Let the earth hear the words of my mouth Devarim 32:1" 

So we've listened to the words of God (Devarim). We've prayed for success in our endeavors (Vaeschanan). We've dug our heels in for the constant battle that we must fight in the name of God (Eikev). We've been given a choice blessing or curse, if we choose correctly we can merit to seeing God in His glorious home the Beis Hamikdash (Re'eh). We've set up systems of community etc. (Shoftim). We've gone out to fight the war of God (Ke Teitzei). We've brought our A game and where therefore invited into the House of God (Ki Tavo). We were able to stand up tall and proud because God has our back (Nitzavim). We keep going up no matter what! (Va'yeilech). And so now that we've done all of this we can control nature we can speak to the heavens and the earth and they will listen to us because we come in the name of Hashem, in the name of God! We fight for Him! When the midrashim speak about the 12 tribes leaping from one mountain to to the next, they are speaking literally, they were on such a high level, they were so close to God that they were able to manipulate nature. We aren't anywhere close to their level but if we do our best we can start manipulating nature etc. on our own levels. And we're not even done! The Blessing is yet to come. 

Be happy! Enjoy! Those are the commandments of these days! So lets go out there and do that!    

My most profound prayer this high holiday season

Grant peace which includes peace of mind, peace in ones house, peace between Jews, and peace in the country and grant what is good for each person and grant prosperity and success and let us find favor in Your eyes and thereby find favor in the eyes of all who see us and grant our requests even though we are not deserving and have mercy on us not to punish us according to our wrongdoings on those of us standing here praying together and on all of Israel, Your nation. Since you are our Father, give us an abundance of goodness and success all of us like one equally with the "light of Your face" which is a symbol of Your great love because we already know from the Revelation at Sinai that with "the light of your face" come great things: You gave us as a present not because we are deserving, Master of all, the Master of all strength, Who is able to do anything, and Who takes care of us with Divine Providence, the Torah that teaches us how to live and through it the love of doing kindness and You gave us with the Torah more opportunities for reward in the World ti Come by fulfilling the many mitzvos and as reward for keeping the Torah You give us also and abundance of goodness and success in this world and in the merit of keeping the Torah You give us special mercy and a long healthy life and through the Torah we have peace of body and mind beacuse all of the ways of the Torah are peaceful. And it should be good in Your eyes to give an abundance of goodness and success to Your nation, Israel in all parts of the day and in all hours of each part of the day with Your peace which is a complete peace. 

Funny thing is we say it 3 times a day, everyday of the year. I guess this fits in to my trying to tell people that we just have to concentrate more on the simple, plain meaning of things and leave the esoteric, kabalistic etc. teachings for now. Hope everyone (not sure who that is being that according to the stats I'm the only one who reads this blog ;) had an easy and meaningful fast and that this year is the best one yet for all of us! Let there be an end to all of the pain and suffering! Because if you think your in pain think of Hashem! He suffers for all of us at the same time! Mashiach now!

More wisdom from the Mash. A Contemporary Viduy and a little more hardcore one.

 A CONTEMPORARY VIDUY

For Alumni

1.    I lacked belief in myself and in my ability to change and therefore refrained from making goals to grow in my learning and Avodas Hashem.

2.    I violated the very first commandment which is to be a mentsch, and the second which is to be real.

3.    I said my tefilos and brochos out of rote and habit (mitzvas anashim melumadah) without kavanah.

4.    I neglected to set priorities in my life and adhere to them in my schedule.  I failed to keep the sedorim I set up, without good reason. 

5.    Instead of using distractions for healthy recreation when necessary, I made these distractions my way of life and wasted precious time.

6.    I neglected to consider the needs of and to spend quality time with my wife and children.

7.    I allowed myself to be exposed to temptation without considering the consequences.

8.    I neglected that which could give purpose and meaning to my life (i.e. learning Torah, attending shiurim and lectures and learning from the Gedolim).

9.    I was so involved with myself or my career that I neglected to be sensitive to the feelings and needs of others.

10.I wasn't moser nefesh enough when considering the

     situation of Klal Yisroel and what I can do to make a

     difference (ie tzedakkah, working for the Klal, hosting

     guests on Shabbos, reaching out to others).

A CONTEMPORARY VIDUY

1. I lacked belief in myself and in my ability to change

and therefore refrained from making goals.

2. I violated the very commandment mitzvah which is to

be a mentsch, and the second which is to be real.

3. I used my doubts and questions as excuses and didn’t

seriously pursue the answers.

4. Instead of finding my purpose in life, I turned towards

escapes to fill the emptiness (drugs, gambling, girls).

5. I denied my escapes and addictions rather than fight

them.

6. Instead of using distractions for healthy recreation, I

made these distractions my way of life

7. I substituted fun, hanging out, and instant gratification

for meaningful goals.

8. I allowed myself to be exposed to temptation without

considering the consequences.

9. I neglected that which could give purpose and

meaning to my life (i.e. learning Torah and pursuing

the answers to my questions and issues).

10.I was so involved with myself or my career that I

neglected to be sensitive to the feelings and needs of

others.

A deep commitment to change immediately changes you.

"The matter is very close to you in your mouth and heart to do it Devarim 30:14"

This is from last weeks parasha but when I saw it I knew it was a message that some people needed to hear. Rabbi Chayim Shmuelevitz commented on this that the Torah tells us that regardless of how far away one is, if he is sincerely resolved to become a better person, he will be able to make an immediate transformation of himself. When you make a verbal commitment to God and to yourself to become a changed person, your very words put you into a different place than where you were before. Nuff said.....

Nitzavim - Stand up straight son! Vayeilech - Keep going! Don't stop!

We left off last time (http://thefamilyjewels-etan.blogspot.co.il/2012/09/points-to-ponder-devarim-devarim-we-are.html) with Ki Savo, being able to come in to the house of Hashem after following all of the other directives that we learnt about. We also spoke about how the way we can always live in the house of Hashem is by always bringing our A game, always doing our best.

Nitzavim: "Today all of you are standing.....Devarim 29:9" So we committed to always do our best which is sometimes more and sometimes less. Now we can stand up straight, stand up proud, no matter where we may be, no matter who may be around, because Hashem has our back. Did your mother always tell you to stand up straight? Does your mother still always tell you to stand up straight? Did you, do you ever listen to her? Well like many other things (smiling etc.) if you do it it can change your mood, your feelings. By standing up straight and tall, you feel dignified, proud, important. And you should you are a prince/princess who lives in the palace of the king. You don't just look different you also act differently, you also speak differently.

Vayeilech: "And Moshe went....Devarim 31:1" Keep going don't stop! Yidishkeit and life in general is like walking up a down escalator, the second you stop you automatically start going down and fast. So keep going! Don't stop! Even if your going against the flow. Go with it. Ride the waves. Don't be so set in your ways. If you are you'll keep getting knocked down and you wont get to where you want to get to. Have a seder, a schedule, a plan. But also have a backup and a backup for your backup. This way no matter where you are, no matter whats happening around you you can still keep going, accomplishing, getting closer to your goals. And even then if things don't go as you planned, as you liked don't let that stop you! Keep going! Keep going! Keep going! We're almost there! 

What A Rebbe You Have

Rebbe Nachman’s mother, Feiga, was known for her ruach hakodesh and righteousness. She was called “Feigaleh the prophetes” by her renowned brothers Rabbi Ephraim of Sudylkov and Rabbi Boruch of Medzeboz, who were aware of her ability to see into the future and speak of events before they actually came to be.

Nearly thirty years after Rabbi Nachman was born, and his fame had become widely known, his mother Feiga overheard the Rebbe’s followers discussing her son’s greatness. “I shall tell you”, interjected Feiga, “what a Rebbe you have. From this you will realize his holiness and the holiness of his soul!” She then related events leading up to Rebbe Nachman’s birth.

Rabbi Simcha, Feiga’s husband, often left home for long periods of hisbodedus. On one such occasion, Rabbi Simcha, who had told his wife to expect him for Shabbos, had been away for nearly two weeks. It was Friday morning and Feiga was planning to go to the mikvah that night, providing her husband would return. When she performed the mitzvah of taking a tithe from the dough she was preparing for Shabbos chalahs, Feiga made use of special unificiations of the Holy Names in the hope of determining her husband’s whereabouts. To her great dismay, she was shown nothing. Later that day, when she lit the Shabbos candles, she again attempted to attain the required Divine inspiration for learning of Rabbi Simcha’s location. Once again she was not shown.

Laying down to rest, Feiga fell asleep and her mother, Adil, appeared to her. Accompanying Adil were the Matriarchs, Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah. “Don’t worry”, they told her, “your husband will be home for Shabbos.” They then took Feiga and guided her to the “chamber of souls.” Taking note of a soul which shone brightly, she was informed that this was the soul of her grandfather, the Baal Shem Tov. Walking on, she spotted yet another luminous soul whose brightness was even greater than the first. “Whose soul is that?” she asked. “This soul is to be given to you,” came the reply.

She awoke to find that her husband had already returned home. What had caused his delay? Rabbi Simcha, in describing his journey, told Feiga that he had gotten lost, only to find himself near Medzeboz before Shabbos had come.

Feiga went to the mikvah and later that night conceived a child. This child was given the soul which Feiga had seen in her vision. “And this is your Rebbe,” she concluded.

(Until The Mashiach pg. 324 – 325)

Motzash thoughts....

Sometimes we'll actually come across something on Shabbos itself that is worth sharing especially since we are still in the parasha untill Tuesday when we move on to next weeks parasha.

"And you shall rejoice with all the good that Hashem your God has given you. Devarim 26:21" This is a mitzvah! We are commanded, obligated to feel joy with what we are given by Hashem the Almighty. Why should we, do we, need a directive to be happy, to rejoice? It should be a automatic reaction to getting good things? The reason is because man's nature is to always want more than what he has now. "He who has one hundred wants two hundred. Koheles Rabbah 1:34" Our moments of joy are always mixed with a sadness over what we still lack. The Torah, therefore, gives us a mitzvah, a command to rejoice with what we have. We should strive to feel a joy that is complete because lack of joy with what we have is destructive both physically and spiritually. [R' Mordechai Gifter; Pirkei Torah as quoted in Growth Through Torah]

Let's not forget one of my new favorite lines that I heard from Rabbi Lazer Brody. Imagine if you woke up tomorrow only with the things that you had thanked Hashem for today!?!?!?!?
Have a great week everybody! Till next time...............

One for the Wife. A guarantee that I'll be nice from now on ;)

When talking about Dasan and Aviram getting sucked into the earth "......the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them along with their homes, their tents, and all the possessions that were at their feet Devarim 11:6"

A man's livelihood comes to him mainly because of his wife. She corresponds to Malchut, which is associated with the "feet" so this pasuk tells us that a man stands on his "feet" - his wife. Therefore Chazal advised "Honor your wives, so that you may become wealthy(Bava Metzia 59a)"  

Simple and to the point just like we like it!

Points to Ponder: Devarim, Devarim, We are Bikurim!!!

I always used to think of Sefer Devarim/Mishneh Torah" as just a review of the other four books of the Torah that we just learned, with a few additions so that it shouldn't be too boring and so that us students could hold out just a bit more so we could finish Chumash and move on to the heilegeh "Torah she b'al peh/The Oral Torah, Mishnayos and Gemmarah".

Wow was I wrong! I don't want to bore anyone or excite anyone too much so we'll just go through the names of the different parshiyos, a few direct quotes, and how they all connect and give us a direct path to where we need to be heading. That's all...

Devarim: "These are the words that Moshe spoke to all of Israel...Devarim 1:1" Moshe gets all of Israel together, every Jew until the end of time, to review the first four Books of the Torah, with veiled rebuke, and more than seventy new laws. "May Hashem, the Lord of your fathers, add on to your numbers a thousand times, and bless you as He has spoken to you.Devarim 1:11" Bottom line is, listen to Hashem, follow His Torah, and you will be blessed and blessed and blessed. Simple.

Va'eschanan: "I pleaded with God at that time, saying...Devarim 3:23" All you have to do is Plead! Pray! Daven! Simple! Cry out! Scream! Laugh! Sigh! Whatever it takes, in whatever language, at whatever time, in whatever place! All you have to do is start your own personal relationship with Hashem! Then the sky is the limit!

Eikev: "If you listen to these laws, observing them and carrying them out, God your Lord will guard for you the covenant and the kindness that He promised your fathers Devarim 7:12" Again very simple, listen and observe and receive Gods kindness!!! Why wouldn't you?!?!? "V'haya eikev tishmiun..../If you listen...Devarim 7:12" Eikev/if literally means heel. There are many lessons taught about this lets just try and learn the most simple one. When playing "tugawar" the first rule is to dig your heels in the ground. We are living through the toughest war that mankind has ever seen and we are on the front lines, every step is a battle, so we have to Listen, Plead, and dig our heels in!

Re'eh: "See, I am placing before you today a blessing and a curse...Devarim 11:26" Once again simple. It's up to us, all we have to do is choose! And if we choose the blessing then we merit getting to Re'eh/See Hashem in all of His glory in the Beis Hamikdash at least three times a year!

Shoftim: Ok, so far we've listened to the words, we've pleaded, we've grounded ourselves, we've been able to finally see clearly. Now we have to further ground ourselves. The initial spark and excitement is over. We have to set up systems. We have to appoint judges and officers. We have to listen to people wiser than ourselves, no matter how smart we think we are, no matter how good our idea is, we must always ask. And not only ask "...Do not deviate from the word that they tell you either to the right or the left. Devarim 17:11" It's hard at first because we all love being independent thinkers and doers, but once we subjugate ourselves to the people who are smarter than us, the people who have more experience than us, our lives will take a turn for the better.

Ki Seitzei: "When you go out to war against your enemies and God your Lord delivers them into your hands, and you take some of them captive. Devarim 21:10" Now that we are properly grounded and we have proper guidance the time has come for us to go on the offensive. Not if you go out to war, but rather "When you go out to war!" We unfortunately were brought up to think that life could be easy, that we could reach a certain plateau and just glide. Not true! One of my favorite lines I heard from one of my rebeim, The Mash, Rav Yisroel Blumenfeld shlita. "Yidishkeit and life in general, is like walking up a down escalator; once you stop going up, you right away start going down." We always have to be on the offensive, sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes this way, sometimes that way, as long as we never stop fighting, never remain stagnant. "...and you take some of them captive. ibid" A person can overcome his or her yetzer harah/evil inclination by using that very thing with which it seeks to overpower him. Your arrogant, be arrogant about your Torah learning and good deeds, one day you'll do it for real etc. The examples are endless.

Ki Savo: Ah! Finally we've caught up Baruch Hashem! "It will be when you enter the land....Devarim 26:1" After we've done whats needed to be done until now. After we've committed to and gone out to fight Hashem's war, now we can enter the Land that Hashem, our God has promised to us! And not just enter, but we will also posses it and dwell in it with all of the blessings that Hashem made to us. So how to do we do it? By being Bikurim. Simple, no? By being the first of the fruit, through constantly renewing ourselves, and by always bringing our A game. Simple as that! The Jew's gift of Bikurim symbolizes that he or she dedicates everything that he has to the service of Hashem.

To end off for now we go back to the beginning. "See! God your Lord has placed the Land before you. Go up and take possession, as God, the Lord of your fathers, has told you. Do not be afraid and do not loose heart. Devarim 1:21" As always Hashem always puts whatever it is that we truly need, right in front of our eyes! It's ours for the taking! We just have to at least long to, desire to, hope to take it!

Have a great Shabbos everyone!

Etan

A message from The Mash!

Dear Alumni and Friends,

It’s mind boggling! Did you ever pause to think about how different the mitzva of bikurim, how seemingly blown out of proportion this mitzva is both in halacha and Chazal?!

You probably know that a craftsman, artisan or construction worker who is employed to work for a time period, let’s say 8.30am – 4pm, is not allowed to stand up and give the proper respect to a talmid chacham that passes by while he is working (Kidushin 30a). But did you know that when people bringing bikurim pass by, “all the workers, craftsmen and artisans of Yerushalayim stand before them?” Amazing. We know how super important it is to give respect and honor to a Talmid Chacham, and that the Sages chastised those who stand up for a Sefer Torah and not for a Chacham who is in essence a walking Sefer Torah!

Not only that, but even the gisbarim, the CEO’s of the Beis HaMikdash come out to greet the groups of people bringing bikurim. I said groups because we are told to bring bikurim to Yerushalayim (dafka) especially in groups because of “the vastness of the people honors the King.” We don’t find this concerning other similar mitzvos.

If that’s not enough, consider the Sifri that tells us “do this mitzva (bikurim) so that with the reward of this mitzva you will be able to enter the Land.” It is in the merit of bikurim that we were worthy of Eretz Yisrael!

But not even this is enough! The Medrash Raba tells us, “in the beginning Hashem created…there is no raishis (beginning) other than bikurim, as it is said, “the raishis bikurim of the Land.” It seems that the cosmos owes its existence to bikurim as well!

These questions and others were asked by the Nesivos Shalom, (Devorim on our parsha) the Slonimer Rebbe ztz”l and his answer encompasses what I wanted to suggest.

To understand this concept properly you probably need to learn the second and third chapters of Chovos Halevovos (Sha’ar Bechina and Sha’ar Avodas Hashem – not a bad project for Elul.) But for those who haven’t the time let me try to express it in a few words. Hashem created the world for us to appreciate, to be grateful and to recognize and thank Him. Our purpose in this world is to appreciate the unbelievable gifts of the Creator and express in our hearts and prayers our appreciation. Of course not that Hashem needs our thanks, but that this fulfills man’s purpose which is to recognize and connect with the Al-mighty!

A farmer has worked and toiled for months: planting, weeding, pruning, watering, spraying and caring for his crop. Finally, the day has arrived. He excitedly enters his field. He sees luscious figs that have just appeared. He takes a string and wraps it around and says with tears of joy in his eyes, these are bikurim, the first fruit of my labor. You have no idea of how precious these are to him unless you toiled to construct something yourself. I remember as a 9 or 10 year old, I built together with my twin a radio transmitter. In those days you had to solder wires, resistors, condensers and tubes and it was quite a task. Even completed it wasn’t worth that much but to me it was a treasure because of the toil I put into it. The bikurim are treasures and it is this treasure that he gives to the Creator as gratefulness, thus fulfilling the purpose of Creation. Now we understand the special significance of this mitzva.

To celebrate the first Shabbos of the zman (besides Rabbi Mendy Goldman and Shoshana’s bris, bezras Hashem) I am making a Seudas Hodaya and a very special siyum during Seudas Shlishis. I wish you all could come, but at least I shared with you some of the thoughts that I hope to express, thanking Hashem for when He restored my health and for the opportunity to work with Neveh another year.

We are looking forward to a great year, although your tefillos are always appreciated (I was able to daven at the kevorim in Tzefat for those who sent in their requests and for many other alumni as well).

Have a great Shabbos,

Mash

Parashas Mishpatim; Judge thyself and not others!!!!

"Shoftim v'shotrim titen lecha/Judges and police you shall place for yourself" (Devorim 16:18) Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Parshischo commented: Make for yourself judges and police, that is, before you go and make judgments about other people, judge yourself first. As Chazal (Bava Basra 60b) have said "First correct yourself and only then correct others."

This ties into one of my all time favorite vorts. In Parashas Tazria while discussing the affliction of tzoraas the pasuk says; "V'tamei tamei yikrah/And[the metzora] shall call out: Unclean, Unclean..."(Vayikrah 13:45) The Shaloh hakadosh wrote that this pasuk can be read as, "Unclean," an unclean person says about others. That is, a person who finds fault with others is really only projecting his own faults and imperfections onto others. As Chazal have said (Kidushin 70a), "Those who try to invalidate others do so with their own blemishes."

The last thing I want to mention for now is also one of my favorite vorts and something that I say over very often because I feel that it is one of the most important lessons that we need to learn. When Moshe Rabeinu stumbled across the burning bush as a simple shepherd, Hashem offered him the job of going back to Mitzrayim and saving the Jewish people. For a whole week Moshe turned down the offer. Was he repeatedly telling Hashem no? How could he, a simple shepherd say no to Hashem?!? No, he kept saying "Mi ani/Who am I?" Who am I to be a leader? Who am I to be the messenger of God? Who am I to be the savior of an entire nation? The message is simple. If we would stop always looking at and worrying about what other people are doing, not doing, etc... and instead look at ourselves, judge ourselves, fix ourselves, worry about ourselves, we would be much more relaxed people, we would be much more accomplished people, we would be much happier people and because of that the world would be a better and happier place.

Mazal tov Meir and Ariella - The speech that never happened

1

Hi everyone! Mazal tov! I love you, Uncle Meir and Aunt Ariella! My father asked if I could speak for him since he’s away at summer camp. (turn to Uncle Meir and say wink wink) Since I live in Ramat Beit Shemesh English is my mother tongue so my father figured that I could take his place.

Here we go!!!

For anyone who doesn’t know me, I tell it like it is. That must be why they keep me so far away so I don’t make any waves or scare anyone off. But I figured that since it’s the sixth night of sheva brachos so it must be official by now and I’m going to tell Ariella a bit about Chasan D’nan, Our Chasan Meir and even if it scares her, well too late your stuck with him ad meah v’esrim!

First off, Poschim b’chvod achsaniya. Wow, I’ve never been at Carlos & Gabbys I hear its amazing. Hope everyone enjoys. Now Ariella, I know that marriage can be a scary thing; but you don’t have to be scared ----- you have to be reallllllly scared becuase

you married the perfect guy from the perfect family. We’ll get back to Meir in a minute, first a little about my inlaws. When I worked at Mercaz Ha’torah I used to get a ride every morning with one of the Ramim. He was living the life that I as a yeshiva bachur always dreamed about. Rich girl, beautiful huge house, two cars, credit cards, etc…(x setra) And the best thing about it is that he got to do the thing that he loved; teach Torah. For those of you who don’t know me I always have a story to tell. After riding together for a while and the Rabbis hearing lots of my stories, one morning the Rabbi turns to me and says to me “Etan, your so lucky. You have such amazing, easy going in-laws” And I thought about it for a millisecond and said you know what he’s right. He has all the money, house, cars, etc… But he has very little to no say in anything. He gets a call “Your coming for Pesach on this date, your staying here or there, etc… I always appreciated my inlaws, but that day the appreciation multiplied by a lot. And to think that my reason for not wanting to go on a second date with my wonderful wife was because I thought she was great but her family was a bit too straight. I can still hear the laughter of the Mashgiach at the yeshiva that I was learning at then. Ok, enough about my amazing inlaws. Now onto Chasan D’nan, Yerachmiel Yehuda Meir.

All I can say about Meir is:

He’s good looking.

He’s smart.

He’s a great learner.

He’s humble.

He’s a real masmid.

He’s cool.

He’s funny.

He has a great smile and doesn’t know how to take it off.

He’s very dapper.

He’s selfless.

He’s sophisticated.

He’s simple. (Simple is not stupid!)

He’s caring.

He has the greatest sister in the world.

He’s stylish.

He knows what love is.

He’s a hard worker.

He’s very dashing.

He’s down to earth.

He’s great with kids.

He’s a great brother in law.

He’s a great friend.

He’s a great uncle.

He’s very smooth. (Maybe now he’ll grow a beard??)

He’s a mentch.

He’s a great eater.

He’s a great peeler.

He’s a great listener.

He’s a great dessert maker.

He’s a great schmoozer.

He’s a great singer.

He’s a great tie picker.

He’s a great shopper.

He’s a great basketball player (Well he should be if he’s that tall)

Did I mention that he was the tallest guy in the Mir?

He’s a great baby brother. (So my wonderful wife says and after so long he is almost even more than a brother to me.)

He’s a great light bulb putter inner (must be the height)

He’s a great counselor.

He’s a great chasid.

He’s compassionate.

He’s pleasant to be around.

He’s a great guitar player.

He’s a great leftovers eater

He’s a great babysitter.

He’s a great tea maker.

He’s a great other drink maker.

He’s a great drunk. (Hey, not everyone is)

He’s a great bike rider.

And did I mention that he’s a great Frisbee player?

Wow! If I could just have a quarter of those things, I’d be set! (turn to mommy wink wink wink)

Ok for the last chapter of my speech I would like to give Chasan d’nan and his beautiful wife some advice. Who am I to give marriage advice? Just ask my wife. (turn to mommy and say wink wink wink)

I once asked one of my teachers why we had to learn history, and yes we all know the answer, it’s because if we don’t learn from our past we’re destined to repeat it. I remember saying that at my brothers bar mitzvah and adding that there may not be endless amounts of positive things to learn from me, but there sure are plenty of mistakes that I made that maybe you can learn from without having to go through yourself. My brother ended up becoming a great guy and marrying a great girl. I think that all credit goes to me for that bar mitzvah speech and also for making all of those mistakes. So, same idea here. And, any comments, complaints, etc…. Go straight to my wonderful wife, because she has taught me everything and anything that I know about love and marriage.

Ok here we go:

Meir, there is no me in luv, only u. From now on the only thing that comes before Ariella is Hashem. You are now one, and by one I mean that you are now a part of Ariella she gets to decide on EVERYTHING.

Rav Nachamn said “Kol haolam kulo gesher tzar meod, v’haikar lo lefached clall.” That bridge is sometimes so narrow that the only way for two people to get across is to become one. That’s marriage. That’s life.

Choose a sefer and be kovea itim with each other every day no matter what. Discuss things that you learned together during the day. This will be the best chavrusah you ever had or will have. And I’m not sure if you know Ariella, but my brother in law learned with with the Rosh Yeshiva R” Nosson Tzvi Finkel za”tzal

Dance together at least once a month. In the comfort of your home. Choose whatever style dancing that suits you. Flamenco, Jazz, Hip Hop, Swing, heck you can even make up your own dance.

If your wife ever chas veshalom gets upset at you. First of all always remember that it’s not your wife that’s upset at you, but rather it’s Hashem using your wife as a conduit to give over His mussar. First of all let her get upset, don’t try to solve the problem until she is finished getting as upset as she needs to get. Or better yet just don’t solve the problem, obviously you caused it, but don’t worry because she will be able to fix it. And don’t worry, a good wife will always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

This one I’m sure that you’ve heard Meir, it’s from Grandpa Schiller who I never had the zechus to meet but have learned so much from including this. I’m paraphrasing. “Before saying anything but especially before saying anything to your wife, think at least ten times.” I’ve learned that even after that it’s better just not to say anything. Must be Yeridas Hadoros.

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade. Yes, I did say that you should become one, but to be truly one you can each still shine as individuals.

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a thirteen-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. The answer is because if you’ve made it thirteen years you must have somewhat of a successful marriage and any successful marriage requires falling in love many times, at least twice a day. Once after modeh ani and once after krias Shema al hamitah (if that is halachicly permissible.) Some days will be more, some days will be only but at least those two times.

You guys have just received the gift of true love, but true love just like anything that is truly good, is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep on watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it.

Live everyday like it’s the first day that you met and may be the last day that you will spend together get it all in everyday!

Don't be reckless with each other’s hearts they are extremely fragile and hard to fix. I was told that by the son of one of the top heart surgeons in the world.

Once you’ve got the love thing down then start to spread it everywhere you go. First of all in your own home. Have lot’s of company; maybe wait at least a week or two after sheva brachos ;) ;) wink wink. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.

Be the living expression of Hashem's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.

Meir, turn to Ariella and say the following: “You make me happier than I ever thought I could be I will bli neder, spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Ariella, you don’t need to say anything because you’re already covered.

Play board games together. Until there are little ones ripping everything apart, you can even play things like Risk for weeks on end. The idea is that its another thing that connects you.

If either one of you had a hard day. Leave it at the door. An idea I thought of is to put a special mailbox outside. By writing down why your upset and putting it in the box you will have calmed down and if you want you can read them together weekly and either laugh at how silly it was or together find a solution to the problem. This is something that you can do with your children one day B’ezras Hashem.

Meir, Shalom Bayis, means saying Shalom to the bayis. I heard a big Rav once say, that even if you don’t have a job, or don’t have a place to learn, you still leave the house first thing in the morning and come back at the end of the day. No matter what the yetzer harah tries telling you. The house is the domain of the woman and it will not help either of you to intrude on her domain when you shouldn’t be there. (There are always exceptions wink wink wink)

Stay hungry stay foolish.

Always have hadracha. In Parashas Eikev we read “V’ ata Yisroel mah Hashem Elokecha shoel m’imach kee im l’yirah….? “Now Yisroel what does Hashem ask of you? Only to fear him…”

How can you command a person to Fear? And how can a person fulfill that command?

Reb Nosson writes in Likutey Halachos the Mah, what, represents the highest level, that of Keter (who said kids don’t know Kabbalah wink wink wink.) One can ascent to this level, to Yiras Hashem, by asking, “What?” and “How” even if he thinks he knows and even if he doesn’t understand. I wont also share the whole vort said by Moshe Pinchases shalom zachor, but just the outtake which connects to this. If we would be more like Moshe Rabeinu and say “Mi ani? Mi ani? Who am I? Who am I? And look at ourselves instead of basing what we say, and what we do on what others think or do, the world would be a much better place and we would all be much happier people.

As Steve Jobs always used to end off with. “Just one more thing”

I have the zechus of having somewhat of a kesher with Rav Gamliel Rabinovitch and one of the things that drew me to him the most was simplicity, simplicity, simplicity. First of all for anyone who may not know, Rav Gamliel is one of if not the top Mekubal in the world. But at the same time be so simple. And as Moshe Pinchas said so nicely, “Simple is not stupid.” Rav Gamliel says it’s good how in these days everyone is chasing after segulos, and their not at all a bad thing. But, when was the last time that you davened from Modeh Ani till the end of davening with out skipping???? Just saying.

My bracha to Meir and Ariella (and Ariella I’m sorry for not speaking about you, but if you got Meir, than theres nothing that I need to say, and anyway I don’t think that we said more than three words to each other…yet). Is that you should both continue to grow in all aspects in life and spread your simchas ha’chaim thereby making your home one of the main foundation stones of the Third and final Beis Hamikdash!!! Speedily! In our days! Amen! Amen! Amen! Loving and missing yah all!

Thank you to my two great sons Avraham Elisha, and Moshe Pinchas for getting the message across!! I love you guys and can’t wait to see you tomorrow!!!!

And to my dear wonderful, amazing, etc… wife, I didn't marry the person that I can live with (wink wink wink)...I married the person that I cant live without! I can’t wait to see you! You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches ahead of us. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be, I will bli neder, continue to spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.