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Hi everyone! Mazal tov! I love you, Uncle Meir and Aunt Ariella! My father asked if I could speak for him since he’s away at summer camp. (turn to Uncle Meir and say wink wink) Since I live in Ramat Beit Shemesh English is my mother tongue so my father figured that I could take his place.
Here we go!!!
For anyone who doesn’t know me, I tell it like it is. That must be why they keep me so far away so I don’t make any waves or scare anyone off. But I figured that since it’s the sixth night of sheva brachos so it must be official by now and I’m going to tell Ariella a bit about Chasan D’nan, Our Chasan Meir and even if it scares her, well too late your stuck with him ad meah v’esrim!
First off, Poschim b’chvod achsaniya. Wow, I’ve never been at Carlos & Gabbys I hear its amazing. Hope everyone enjoys. Now Ariella, I know that marriage can be a scary thing; but you don’t have to be scared ----- you have to be reallllllly scared becuase
you married the perfect guy from the perfect family. We’ll get back to Meir in a minute, first a little about my inlaws. When I worked at Mercaz Ha’torah I used to get a ride every morning with one of the Ramim. He was living the life that I as a yeshiva bachur always dreamed about. Rich girl, beautiful huge house, two cars, credit cards, etc…(x setra) And the best thing about it is that he got to do the thing that he loved; teach Torah. For those of you who don’t know me I always have a story to tell. After riding together for a while and the Rabbis hearing lots of my stories, one morning the Rabbi turns to me and says to me “Etan, your so lucky. You have such amazing, easy going in-laws” And I thought about it for a millisecond and said you know what he’s right. He has all the money, house, cars, etc… But he has very little to no say in anything. He gets a call “Your coming for Pesach on this date, your staying here or there, etc… I always appreciated my inlaws, but that day the appreciation multiplied by a lot. And to think that my reason for not wanting to go on a second date with my wonderful wife was because I thought she was great but her family was a bit too straight. I can still hear the laughter of the Mashgiach at the yeshiva that I was learning at then. Ok, enough about my amazing inlaws. Now onto Chasan D’nan, Yerachmiel Yehuda Meir.
All I can say about Meir is:
He’s good looking.
He’s smart.
He’s a great learner.
He’s humble.
He’s a real masmid.
He’s cool.
He’s funny.
He has a great smile and doesn’t know how to take it off.
He’s very dapper.
He’s selfless.
He’s sophisticated.
He’s simple. (Simple is not stupid!)
He’s caring.
He has the greatest sister in the world.
He’s stylish.
He knows what love is.
He’s a hard worker.
He’s very dashing.
He’s down to earth.
He’s great with kids.
He’s a great brother in law.
He’s a great friend.
He’s a great uncle.
He’s very smooth. (Maybe now he’ll grow a beard??)
He’s a mentch.
He’s a great eater.
He’s a great peeler.
He’s a great listener.
He’s a great dessert maker.
He’s a great schmoozer.
He’s a great singer.
He’s a great tie picker.
He’s a great shopper.
He’s a great basketball player (Well he should be if he’s that tall)
Did I mention that he was the tallest guy in the Mir?
He’s a great baby brother. (So my wonderful wife says and after so long he is almost even more than a brother to me.)
He’s a great light bulb putter inner (must be the height)
He’s a great counselor.
He’s a great chasid.
He’s compassionate.
He’s pleasant to be around.
He’s a great guitar player.
He’s a great leftovers eater
He’s a great babysitter.
He’s a great tea maker.
He’s a great other drink maker.
He’s a great drunk. (Hey, not everyone is)
He’s a great bike rider.
And did I mention that he’s a great Frisbee player?
Wow! If I could just have a quarter of those things, I’d be set! (turn to mommy wink wink wink)
Ok for the last chapter of my speech I would like to give Chasan d’nan and his beautiful wife some advice. Who am I to give marriage advice? Just ask my wife. (turn to mommy and say wink wink wink)
I once asked one of my teachers why we had to learn history, and yes we all know the answer, it’s because if we don’t learn from our past we’re destined to repeat it. I remember saying that at my brothers bar mitzvah and adding that there may not be endless amounts of positive things to learn from me, but there sure are plenty of mistakes that I made that maybe you can learn from without having to go through yourself. My brother ended up becoming a great guy and marrying a great girl. I think that all credit goes to me for that bar mitzvah speech and also for making all of those mistakes. So, same idea here. And, any comments, complaints, etc…. Go straight to my wonderful wife, because she has taught me everything and anything that I know about love and marriage.
Ok here we go:
Meir, there is no me in luv, only u. From now on the only thing that comes before Ariella is Hashem. You are now one, and by one I mean that you are now a part of Ariella she gets to decide on EVERYTHING.
Rav Nachamn said “Kol haolam kulo gesher tzar meod, v’haikar lo lefached clall.” That bridge is sometimes so narrow that the only way for two people to get across is to become one. That’s marriage. That’s life.
Choose a sefer and be kovea itim with each other every day no matter what. Discuss things that you learned together during the day. This will be the best chavrusah you ever had or will have. And I’m not sure if you know Ariella, but my brother in law learned with with the Rosh Yeshiva R” Nosson Tzvi Finkel za”tzal
Dance together at least once a month. In the comfort of your home. Choose whatever style dancing that suits you. Flamenco, Jazz, Hip Hop, Swing, heck you can even make up your own dance.
If your wife ever chas veshalom gets upset at you. First of all always remember that it’s not your wife that’s upset at you, but rather it’s Hashem using your wife as a conduit to give over His mussar. First of all let her get upset, don’t try to solve the problem until she is finished getting as upset as she needs to get. Or better yet just don’t solve the problem, obviously you caused it, but don’t worry because she will be able to fix it. And don’t worry, a good wife will always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
This one I’m sure that you’ve heard Meir, it’s from Grandpa Schiller who I never had the zechus to meet but have learned so much from including this. I’m paraphrasing. “Before saying anything but especially before saying anything to your wife, think at least ten times.” I’ve learned that even after that it’s better just not to say anything. Must be Yeridas Hadoros.
Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade. Yes, I did say that you should become one, but to be truly one you can each still shine as individuals.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a thirteen-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. The answer is because if you’ve made it thirteen years you must have somewhat of a successful marriage and any successful marriage requires falling in love many times, at least twice a day. Once after modeh ani and once after krias Shema al hamitah (if that is halachicly permissible.) Some days will be more, some days will be only but at least those two times.
You guys have just received the gift of true love, but true love just like anything that is truly good, is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep on watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it.
Live everyday like it’s the first day that you met and may be the last day that you will spend together get it all in everyday!
Don't be reckless with each other’s hearts they are extremely fragile and hard to fix. I was told that by the son of one of the top heart surgeons in the world.
Once you’ve got the love thing down then start to spread it everywhere you go. First of all in your own home. Have lot’s of company; maybe wait at least a week or two after sheva brachos ;) ;) wink wink. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.
Be the living expression of Hashem's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.
Meir, turn to Ariella and say the following: “You make me happier than I ever thought I could be I will bli neder, spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Ariella, you don’t need to say anything because you’re already covered.
Play board games together. Until there are little ones ripping everything apart, you can even play things like Risk for weeks on end. The idea is that its another thing that connects you.
If either one of you had a hard day. Leave it at the door. An idea I thought of is to put a special mailbox outside. By writing down why your upset and putting it in the box you will have calmed down and if you want you can read them together weekly and either laugh at how silly it was or together find a solution to the problem. This is something that you can do with your children one day B’ezras Hashem.
Meir, Shalom Bayis, means saying Shalom to the bayis. I heard a big Rav once say, that even if you don’t have a job, or don’t have a place to learn, you still leave the house first thing in the morning and come back at the end of the day. No matter what the yetzer harah tries telling you. The house is the domain of the woman and it will not help either of you to intrude on her domain when you shouldn’t be there. (There are always exceptions wink wink wink)
Stay hungry stay foolish.
Always have hadracha. In Parashas Eikev we read “V’ ata Yisroel mah Hashem Elokecha shoel m’imach kee im l’yirah….? “Now Yisroel what does Hashem ask of you? Only to fear him…”
How can you command a person to Fear? And how can a person fulfill that command?
Reb Nosson writes in Likutey Halachos the Mah, what, represents the highest level, that of Keter (who said kids don’t know Kabbalah wink wink wink.) One can ascent to this level, to Yiras Hashem, by asking, “What?” and “How” even if he thinks he knows and even if he doesn’t understand. I wont also share the whole vort said by Moshe Pinchases shalom zachor, but just the outtake which connects to this. If we would be more like Moshe Rabeinu and say “Mi ani? Mi ani? Who am I? Who am I? And look at ourselves instead of basing what we say, and what we do on what others think or do, the world would be a much better place and we would all be much happier people.
As Steve Jobs always used to end off with. “Just one more thing”
I have the zechus of having somewhat of a kesher with Rav Gamliel Rabinovitch and one of the things that drew me to him the most was simplicity, simplicity, simplicity. First of all for anyone who may not know, Rav Gamliel is one of if not the top Mekubal in the world. But at the same time be so simple. And as Moshe Pinchas said so nicely, “Simple is not stupid.” Rav Gamliel says it’s good how in these days everyone is chasing after segulos, and their not at all a bad thing. But, when was the last time that you davened from Modeh Ani till the end of davening with out skipping???? Just saying.
My bracha to Meir and Ariella (and Ariella I’m sorry for not speaking about you, but if you got Meir, than theres nothing that I need to say, and anyway I don’t think that we said more than three words to each other…yet). Is that you should both continue to grow in all aspects in life and spread your simchas ha’chaim thereby making your home one of the main foundation stones of the Third and final Beis Hamikdash!!! Speedily! In our days! Amen! Amen! Amen! Loving and missing yah all!
Thank you to my two great sons Avraham Elisha, and Moshe Pinchas for getting the message across!! I love you guys and can’t wait to see you tomorrow!!!!
And to my dear wonderful, amazing, etc… wife, I didn't marry the person that I can live with (wink wink wink)...I married the person that I cant live without! I can’t wait to see you! You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches ahead of us. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be, I will bli neder, continue to spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.
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